The day was September 11, 2008 and it was just a typical day. I got up that morning and got my family ready for the school day, kissed Chad and Kaylee and away to work I went. I was glowing!! I was 10 weeks pregnant and I couldn’t be happier.
My morning was just as I had planned. My kindergarten students and I were learning and learning and I was still glowing! We had just finished up our morning routine and we headed to lunch. A teacher even stopped me in the hallway and said, “Mrs. Martin pregnancy looks good on you. You are just glowing from ear to ear.” I graciously said thank you and went to tend to my regular lunch schedule. I had a great laugh session with my wonderful colleagues (we tend to have way to much fun during our lunches). I had about five more minutes before I was due to pick up my kids from lunch, so headed to the ladies room. And that is when my life changed forever………..
I will never forget that gut wrenching, knife in the heart, feeling when I looked down to find a pool of blood. It was like time stood still. My head was spinning and I kept blinking thinking, “This is not happening to me.” I was trying not to think the worst, but how could I not. This much bleeding is not normal during a pregnancy. I couldn’t move.
Long story short we went to the doctor and I was going through a miscarriage. The doctor made it sound like it was not a big deal (I ended up finding a new O.B.). The doctor gave us a quick two-minute speech that was obviously rehearsed and told me to take a day off and that everything would be all right. Chad and I walked out of the doctor’s office hand in hand and our hearts buried into the ground.
That day was the beginning of a whole new journey that we never thought in a million years we would be taking. It has been a journey of tears, laughter, sorrow, depression, questions, loneliness, and togetherness. It has been a journey of losing five babies and going through multiple fertility treatments, blood test, needles and pokes, spreading of the legs, embarrassment, and shame. But it has also been a journey of determination, perseverance, love, and the will to never give up. This journey has not been easy. Chad and I have had to go through a lot of things alone with very little support (mainly our faults because we thought family and friends didn’t want to hear about our problems), but it has made our love for each other that much stronger.
So……this is why I have decided to bog, to share my story. And if my story helps one other woman/couple than I have succeeded. The issue of fertility is so hush, hush and I want to let my voice be heard. I don’t have to go through this alone. I will talk about what I have gone through, what Chad has gone through, and what we have gone through as a couple. Please feel free to ask questions and to leave comments. My hope is that by reading my story it will make you more aware of the issue and more sensitive to what thousands of woman/couples go through daily.
I've got tears rolling down my cheeks Christina. I have no doubt that your decision to blog about all of this will touch many many women and couples, I'm going to pass it on to some friends myself. Thank you for being open and honest. My best to you guys...I need to go get a tissue. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that you decided to create a blog. You will definitely be an encouragement to other people who may be going through the same thing. You never know who you will touch, but you will definitely help many people. Good for you for having the courage to share such personal and intimate experiences!
ReplyDeleteYou have been such an inspiration as you've gone through all of this with such grace and dignity. I think it's so important for you to share your story; for you, and for everyone else out there who is going through this journey as well. I love you, and I'm proud of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much ladies!! I truly appreciate all your encouragement and your love. Stephanie, please pass this blog onto others you might know that are going through something similiar. This journey is not one I would have picked for myself or for my family, but it is one that has made me a stronger individual, wife, mother, and friend.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud that you finally came to a place in your life where you can share your families story with so many people. You have a fire in you that I could not imagine having myself. Your story will truly lift the hearts of so many families and women. Thank you for your selflessness to share. I love you so much!
ReplyDeleteChristina, Thank you for sharing your story. It is all to common for miscarriages to happen and not be talked about. People don't know what to say, so they say nothing, in fear of upsetting us. I have had four miscarriages. Our family is complete now and I won't ever go through one again myself, but I sure feel for you and others who go through this. Doctors said I wouldn't have children. God said differently and we have four. Kay will be 18 in April. Kristin is almost 17 and Kasey almost 13. Michael is our youngest and will be 9 next month. We know we have four more waiting for us in heaven and we will one day meet them. It is important to have an OB doctor who is compassionate when it comes to all aspects of pregnancy. My OB was sad when I miscarried and thrilled when I delivered. I pray you and Chad find peace and joy in your journey.
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