Emotions

Yesterday I had a routine check up just to make sure my cysts were behaving and to have our IVF nurse explain all of the medications that I am taking and will be taking.  My kitchen pantry and part of my refrigerator has turned into a regular pharmacy, ha! 

When Chad and I were driving into our appointment we started having a conversation about how we both feel emotionally.  It is hard to define what our emotions are, because we are all over the map with them. We do not want to get excited, because we know that IVF is not a 100% guarantee. We are nervous because of the shots, the actual procedures, and the hormonal imbalances. We are scared because I could go in for a routine check up and find that my cysts are back and that we cannot go through with the procedure.  We are also scared of what happens if this does not work….the sadness and depression that will sink in is so hard to bare. The stress and struggles to schedule my appointments before or after school or during my lunch break have been very difficult.   I do want to say a big thank you to all of our co-workers, boss, and friends at our places of employment.  It is so nice to work with “family”.  Yesterday, I was chatting with my boss telling her all the days that I will most likely miss (of course it happens when I am suppose to be at 2 workshops, 1 training, the kick off of March is Reading month, etc.) and I broke down in tears thanking her for understanding the importance of family.  I am fortunate to work for someone who values family the same way our family values it. We are lonely because we wish we had family here to be with us (even though my parents would come at the drop of a hat).  With that said, we are surrounded by some of the greatest friends we could ever ask for.  We have friends who have stepped up and helped us with Kaylee and who have been with us through thick and thin. I am not going to even begin to name names, because the list is way to long. Like the quote above, we are choosing to rejoice and not regret. We can still have mixed emotions, but our outlook is positive.

My appointment went well. We were happy to hear that my cysts were behaving.  The nurse tried to explain all of my medications and I will be honesty I did a lot of nodding, but not a lot of understanding. 

From this point on, I will be going to Grand Rapids every other day, so they can monitor my cysts and the growth of my eggs. Our hope is by late next week my body would have produced around 30-40 eggs for our retrieval date.  I will try to update this as often as I can (or Chad will).  Thank you for all your love and support!  I leave you with a quote that was given to me by a wonderful friend that I work with.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” Unknown