National Infertility Awareness Week

1 in 8 women and men are diagnosed with infertility. RESOLVE and the infertility community are busting myths and telling truths about the most popular public myths and misconceptions about the disease of infertility and the different ways people build their families.

Today I wanted to share what I think the world needs to know about infertility.  I am proud to say that my husband and I struggled. It is nothing to be ashamed of and we have come to learn that this is the path for us.  I have been working with our Fertility Center and I am hoping this summer to join them when they do their seminars about their procedures.  I am very passionate about sharing our family story. I feel very strongly about edcuating the world on the TRUE facts about infertility. 
If I could tell the world about infertility I would tell them . . .

1. Infertility is a disease.  A terrifying diagnosis that is only given to you once you have suffered for months.  Imagine going to the doctor’s and being diagnosed with diabetes and then people telling you to just stop thinking about it or trying to treat it and it will go away?!  Doesn’t sound feasible right?  Exactly.
2. This isn’t just about an adorable baby. Infertility affects a couple’s desire to have a family- raise children who can make snow angels, go off to middle school, graduate from college.  The dream doesn’t stop at just “getting” pregnant. Their vision of the future and their hopes and dreams that they have shared with each other for years lie in the balance. 
3. Saying nothing hurts worse than saying the wrong thing.  Don’t distance yourself from those going through infertility.  We infertiles don’t expect you to know the right thing to say or do.  We just need your love and support.  A kind ear, a hug.  When you pull away from those you love because you don’t understand their struggle you are jeopardizing a friendship. This is one of the most intense experiences one will ever have, and a true friend stands by.
4. The world is not infertile friendly.  We are overwhelmed by commercials, reality tv shows, and magazine articles that promise the public an inside look into the world of pregnancy- a world we only dream of.  Entertainment magazines are showing us the latest “baby bump” or highlighting the latest adoption or surrogacy success.  The reality is that many of us can not afford what these celebrities can (go ahead an look up the price of adoption, or surrogacy, or even IVF).  Moral here is we can’t escape it.  On our loneliest days an EPT commercial will play between segments of 16 and pregnant just as a reminder of what we can’t accomplish.
5. We are always searching for the reason. We are always searching for a way out.  Not a day goes by where we don’t question  if what we are doing/not doing could be the reason for our infertility.  Could it be the caffeine?  Should I take a multivitamin supplement?  Is God punishing me? Should I have never gone on the pill? Should I stop exercising? It is a game of what ifs and why nots- with no answers.
6. Infertility is not just relegated to the bedroom.  Yes, our sex lives are turned upside down by infertility, but infertility impacts all areas of someones’ life.  Physically, emotionally, financially.  Relationships are tested.  Personal faith is tested.  Your professional life is impacted.  It becomes a daily struggle to NOT let infertility rule your life.  We spend just as much energy trying to get beyond infertility as we doing trying to forget about infertility so we can function with some normalcy.  Any infertile will tell you, its exhausting.
7. Failure becomes an option. For many infertiles we spend years accomplishing the goals we have in life.  We work hard to get into the college or  secure the job we want.  We work hard at building great relationships.  We set goals and despite bumps in the road, we are always told that hard work pays off.  Our self-esteem soars when we are able to put our heart and soul into something and then reap the rewards of reaching a goal.  Then comes infertility.  All of a sudden hard work, diligence, dedication, desire, aren’t enough.  Who we are as women (and men), our identity, our self-worth, is in the balance.  Some of us, for the first times in our lives, are failing, and failing and failing and failing.  Every 28 days.
8. Infertility hurts.  The raw emotions, the physical side effects, the anxiety and worry. Those around us feel helpless. We feel helpless.  We are on a roller coaster that many of us are unwilling to get off of until are dreams are fulfilled.
9. Infertility isn’t life threatening but life altering.  Infertility changes us.  It makes us stronger, wiser, kinder, and much more appreciative of what we do have in our lives.  It makes us bolder and braver than we could ever imagine.  We are changed by this experience.  Our lives and the lives of those around us are altered by this fight to have what so many get so easily.  Our perspective on what it means to be a mother/father will forever be changed.  This is a good thing.
10. Help us gather hope.  Support anyone you know who struggles with infertility in any way you know how.  Share your experiences with others.  Share your laughter.  Never go silent about the struggle of infertility.  ALL of us are responsible for shedding light on infertility so that we can offer hope and opportunity for families in the future.  Speak up, speak out, and offer up prayers and hope.

Let this week be a week of celebration.  Let us celebrate those who have found their way out of this struggle and are on their way to their dreams.  Let us celebrate those family and friends who willingly walking down this road with us.  Let us celebrate that infertility is part of us but does not define us.  Let us celebrate that we have each other, we have hope, we have love, and we are holding on tightly to our dreams.

Twins

Our 2 beautiful miracles!!

Chad and I are happy to announce that we will be welcoming twins into our family this fall.  As most of you know we underwent IVF in February and we were so excited to find out that we were pregnant.  Getting that phone call is something I will never forget.  My phone rang while I was at work and I knew it was the call I had been waiting for. My hands were shaking and I could barely pick up the phone.  For 2 1/2 years we have undergone multiple fertility treatments just to hear the dr. say, "Sorry, not this time.....". My nerves were just shot!!! I picked up the phone and my IVF nurse, Sandy, started talking to me.  She gave me the good news and I think for the first time in my life I was speechless (which those of you that know me well, know that this does not happen very often).  I could not physically talk. Tears were running down my cheek.  After finally getting my speech back I spoke with my nurse for a few minutes before hanging up.  I hung up and I could not move!! I stood there in my office feeling like time stood still.  I immediately called Chad at work and he thought it was bad news because I was crying so much he couldn't understand a word I was saying.  I kept trying to tell him the good news, but every time I opened my mouth tears of joy just flowed down my cheeks.  I finally spit out the good news and we both just cried with each other over the phone! We were on cloud nine!!!!!
For those of you who have been following our journey, you know all to well that the first couple weeks is the most critical for us.  It was so hard to get 100% excited, because we had lost before.  I went back every other day for a week or so to do blood work to make sure my hormone levels were increasing. Each time they would more than double and we would celebrate a little bit more.
We went into our Fertility doctor for our 6 week ultrasound and we were a bit shocked when we saw two little babies on the screen.  Once again, we were both speechless!!!  How can we go from years of struggling to being double blessed in a matter of seconds?!?!  We walked out of our appointment just beaming!!!!!! We slowly started to tell family and friends our wonderful news!!
At 7 1/2 weeks we were on our way to Florida for our annual Spring Break trip.  This year we decided to drive because air tickets were so expensive and all our extra money had gone to our IVF procedure.  We packed up the car and we got as far as Holland, Mi.  I ended up in the ER with a subchorionic hematoma (a blood clot in my uterus). That was the scariest day of our lives. We thought we were losing the babies.  And that is all I want to explain about that horrific day!!! Chad and I wish they made a medicine to erase the memories of that day.  I had almost 2 weeks of strict bed rest and 1 week of mild bed rest.  We do not realize how many friends and family surround us until something like this happens. We were so overwhelmed by all the dinners, snacks, movies, and yummies people brought over to us.  It touched us in ways we cannot express.
We went in today for our last appointment with our Fertility doctor (almost through my first trimester). It was a bittersweet day.  The Fertility Clinic in Grand Rapids, MI has given our family something we can never give back....they gave us hope when we had none, they gave us a shoulder to cry on and a person to yell at, they gave us peace and comfort, and the best of all they gave us complete joy.  We will be forever grateful to every nurse, secretary, and doctor that we came in contact with over the past couple of years.  Chad and I both teared up today when we hugged our doctor good-bye......but at the same time we are excited for what our journey has in store for the both of us and our growing family.

Hope Blanket

I want to share a letter with you that Chad and I received a few weeks ago.  It was one that touched our hearts forever. The letter is from a couple that knew my family when we lived in Petoskey, Michigan.  I have had no contact with the family in over 15 years, but she got a hold of my blog and became a member.
Let me share the letter with you.

Dear Chad and Christina,
      It has been Brian and my pleasure to make this blanket for the two of you. We understand the heart break and yearning you have gone through for a child. The Bible says, "God gives us the desires of our heart." We believe that God first puts that desire there and then He gives you what you so desire.
      The short version of how I began making "Hope Blankets" is, when we were struggling to have our first child a close family friend made me a promise to make this special blanket when I became pregnant. She had made a few offers to make this special blanket, by God's leading, and each time the couple had a baby. when I got pregnant she began making the blanket. A few years passed and I kept thinking, how can I pass this blessing along? The one thought that kept coming to me is that the wait and see game is so hard. Keeping positive and having hope that it would happen is really tough.  One day I felt God leading me to crochet a blanket for a couple who wanted a baby so bad. I wanted to give it to them before they got pregnant, so they wouldn't lose hope. I haven't seen them in years, I haven't even met their children.
     Your "Hope Blanket" was made by both Brian and I. Brian rolled each skein of yarn and he would keep careful watch to unravel a bunch while I crocheted, which made the process so much faster. As I crocheted your blanket I prayed for both of you and this long journey you have traveled. I prayed God to bless you with another child, that Christina would become pregnant, that you would grow a healthy baby. I prayed that this baby would grow and only get as big as it needed to so that labor would be easier. 
     I have never made a blanket like this one before. It is unique. As I was crocheting I felt God say to me that the blanket was creative and unique, just like the way you are trying to have a baby. You had to find a different way to conceive. Finally, I would like to say, this could be just me, but as I began crocheting your blanket I had the feeling that I may need to make a second one. So, if you should find out that you need more than one blanket, please let me know. I would be honored to make another. 
     The definition of hope is to earnestly expect. We hope you can wrap a new family member in this blanket soon.
                                              God Bless,

Our "Hope Blanket"

                                              Brian and Melody Bennett


Chad and I read this and wept. We were so touched by this couples generosity and empathy for our journey. This blanket is the most beautiful blanket we have ever seen or held. We love cuddling with it at night time when we are watching television together.  We have talked about ways that we can "pay it forward" to couples who are struggling with conception.  We have made a promise to each other that we will help others who are struggling with their journey. This blanket along with framed letter will be the first new items that we put into our babies nursery. This blanket is so special to our family.  
We have not told Melody yet, but we will be needing that second blanket.  We found out a couple weeks ago that we are expecting twins!!! We are over joyed and so grateful for every step that we have taken together during our journey. We have had a couple bumps in the rode already, but God has kept watch over each and every one of us along the way.