Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Final Countdown


We are in the final hours of countdown before the arrival of our twin girls.  There are so many emotions that have been running through my head through out the day.  For the past three years we have been on this fertility roller coaster and in less than 48 hours we can finally get off this long ride.  As I sit here and reflect on what we have gone through I can’t help but to tear up, and smile at the same time.  I remember each doctor appointment, each needle and poke, each loss, each disheartening phone call, and each disappointment.  On a brighter note, I will never forget the phone call with my IVF nurse when she told us we were pregnant (I honestly wish it was something I could have recorded).  I will never forget our complete and under shock at our first ultrasound when we saw two little babies.  I will never forget all the little special things my husband did to put a smile on my face during this journey.  I smile when I think about all the wonderful friends and family that surround us and support us on a daily basis.  We truly couldn’t have gotten through this journey without all of you. 
Our bags are packed, the camera is charged, the nursery is ready, and we are as prepared as any couple can be for welcoming two babies into this world.  I am so excited to have them in my arms and to tell them I love them.  I am looking forward to the late night feedings and rocking them to sleep.  I might think differently in a few weeks, but for now I can’t think of anything better to do with my time.  I look forward to teaching Kaylee how to love her two little sisters and to help her embrace life with siblings. 
Kaylee and I were eating dinner tonight by ourselves because Chad was at work trying to make his plans for being gone.  While Kaylee and I were eating I looked at her and the tears started to flow down my cheeks.  She was being her typical happy self-singing a song she had made up and I don’t know what came over me.  I just stared at her smiling with the tears dripping from my cheek.  How did I get so lucky to have her as my oldest daughter? Floods of memories were going through my head. It was like time stood still.  I was remembering the day she was born, her first smile, her first step, etc.  And now I look across the dinner table and I have a beautiful independent five-year-old girl who brings me sunshine with each new day.
Once again…….how did I get so lucky?  Now, I get to share my life with three beautiful daughters.  Oh the memories we will make……the shopping trips, the late night talks, and the life lessons. 
This journey has made me stop and enjoy the little things in life.  It has made me a stronger wife and mother.  In less than 48 hours our life will be blessed once again, x2.  I leave you with a poem I gave to Kaylee tonight.  I know she doesn’t understand it now, but one day I know she will cherish the words and the meaning. 


An Angel Left Her Wings
I have this little angel. For me she left her wings.
She has no idea how much happiness she truly brings.
She brightens up my days with her smiles and her laughs.
She helps me to remember all the blessings that I have.

Her face, it is so perfect, she's sweet and soft and pure.
Sometimes she can be willful and sometimes she is demure.
She tries her very hardest to please and do what's right.
She gives the greatest hugs from morning until night.

Every person that has known her sees this light within her soul I know that in this whole great world, she has a special role. She's helpful and considerate to everyone she knows
This light in her shines brighter as my angel grows.

When she sees someone is sad, it opens up her heart.
She wants to do all that she can; she wants to do her part.
She'll squeeze away the sorrow and make me forget about my pain. She shows me where the sun is when we're hiding from the rain.

I know that God must love me, He showed me with His Grace I knew just how completely when I saw my angel's face. And in that very moment when she came into my world,
I knew that she was so much more than just my baby girl.

She will always be my sunshine, with a sweetness that won't end. And when she grows up one day she will be my closest friend. She will be the reason I would always try my best.
For my little angel baby girl will be my greatest test.

When God entrusts to you an angel, who has left her wings for you. Encircle her with love with everything you do. Let her know God made her, and that He trusts you with her care. Be sure to make time for special moments with her to share.

And when at night she finally says her prayers and goes to sleep I Thank Him for my angel, and ask for Him to always keep A watchful eye and hand to protect her from this world. Protect my little angel; protect my baby girl.
Our 3 Angels......Kaylee and the Twins  



Thursday, October 13, 2011

Marathon training



A year ago to date I was just finishing my training for my first half marathon.  I trained for months in preparation for race day.  During my training Chad and I had decided to take a break from all fertility treatments.  We as individuals needed a break from it all, as well as us a couple. The world of fertility can easily engulf all of you and before you know it, it has taken over your life.  We knew that it was time for a break.  Of course that was much easier for Chad than it was for me.  With each passing day I couldn’t help but think of the “missed” opportunities we were wasting.  About two weeks into our taking a break I realized that I had to do something to keep myself occupied.  That is when I decided that I would train to run in the Detroit Half Marathon.  Training was a healthy way for me to reduce the tension and stress of everything fertility.  When I started doing my long runs I found my mind racing and reflecting on past issues that I normally wouldn’t take the time to digest.  There would be some days I would cry and or laugh during my runs.  With each day of training that I finished I had a sense of accomplishment and control over my body.   I know I cannot control what happens with the inside of my body, but I can control how I treat my body.  Training for this race gave me so much confidence……..confidence that had been taken away from me during our battle with fertility.  I remember the first time I ran 10 miles without stopping.  Chad had come to meet me and give me water and I broke down in tears.  He thought I was hurt, but I simply explained to him how happy I was that I had been able to push my body to new levels.
Race day quickly approached and there I was standing at the start line with close to 10,000 other racers.  I was geeked!!! I couldn’t stop smiling.  The race was the fastes 2 hours and 16 minutes of my life.  I remember I was at mile 7 and a spectator yelled and said, “You are still smiling…..you go girl”!! I didn’t realize it but I was grinning from ear to ear.  I don’t think that grin left my face for the rest of the day.  Crossing the finish line was filled with so many emotions.  I cried because I just accomplished something that not a lot of people have accomplished.  I made up my mind that I was going to run and I gave myself a goal and I did it!!!!  I was greeted at the finish line by Chad who gave me the biggest hug he has ever given me…..in fact I almost fell over.  Kaylee had made me a beautiful sign that read, “Go, Mom, Go”. My Gram came to show her support.  And to top it all off my best friend, Mindy, and her mom came and completely surprised me. 

While I was training I kept a daily journal.  I filled that journal with inspirational quotes and of my thoughts after I completed a run.  The night before my race I sat and read through my journal.  I had set my mind to run a race, but I did not know that I would also gain so much self-confidence and respect for myself as a person, mom, and wife.  I want to share one of my favorite quotes with you.

            "The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." 
-John Bingham 

A year ago I was in the best physical shape of my life and today well……I can’t see my feet, ha! A year ago I wasn’t even thinking about creating new life and now we are about to welcome not just one, but two new lives into this beautiful world.  I am no longer training for a marathon of running, but instead of marathon of no sleep, late night feedings, and unconditional love.  A year ago I was trying to run a little bit faster with each day, and today I am lucky if I can make it to the end of the driveway to put Kaylee on the bus.  I think snails could walk faster than me, ha!!!  I am thrilled to begin my new marathon with all three of my girls.  It will be exhausting and my body will be pushed to new heights, but I know every second will be worth it.  We had the courage to start fertility treatments and look at the two miracles we are about to meet and bring home.